Why can’t I think?

I think I’ve realised why it’s so hard to start doing school work. I’m not motivated anymore, I’m not interested. The topic I’ve chosen for sociology is Aboriginal disadvantage – and seriously – I found this intensely interesting last year. It was like a puzzle and I was happy to find the solution. I wanted to write an essay about this last year.

But for some reason, when I try to tackle the same question this year, I get struck down with fever, am unable to conjure up any original or interesting idea, would rather sleep, would rather watch horribly repetitive and monotonous television than even begin to think about it.

I’m starting to think that I should have taken a gap year. Maybe I need a break before the old fondness for learning returns? It’s that old adage again, the one about love and absence. Seriously, Ms. Learning, how can I miss you if you won’t go away?

Maybe it’s thinking that I’m tired of, I find myself not even wanting to self-scrutinize. I find that I’d rather go walk around the house aimlessly than continue to delve into what might be wrong with me. Maslow’s heirarchy of needs would say that some of my basic, bodily requirements are unfulfilled (am I hungry? am I thirsty? do I lack for shelter? Paragraph 2 might suggest that my health is in crisis and I lack sleep), but that can’t be all. I refuse to be a slave to my base needs.

So what else could it be?

Sociologically (I may as well, it’s the subject I’m supposed to be working on anyway), university might be considered much more anomic than college. There is less support and so an individual feels less connected within the society, and unsure of their own place. Durkheim, one of the guys who championed this theory, might say that the university student who is unprepared for this sudden falling out of support would be distressed and unmotivated to function within this new society. So sociologically, I feel distanced from the uni society, something that would not necessarily be solved by departing for a gap year.

Individuals within an anomic society have higher association with suicidal tendencies, which I will de-dramatize and extrapolate to mean that they are more likely to be depressed. Overindulgence of sleeping, poor health for inexplicable reasons and feeling unmotivated are all symptoms of the clinical disorder. I’m not suggesting that I’m depressed, just that most mental disorders are on sliding scales – from normality to less normal to not normal – and it is only at a certain point of abnormality that we notice and diagnose it. Back to my point, anomie brings about desire to sleep/not wanting to do assessment.

For some reason the other day, I found myself searching ‘hate uni’ and delving into the interwebs. It was shocking to find so many people who disliked uni and had roughly the same experiences as I (having said that, I don’t hate uni). I guess this supports the whole anomie thing, as that’s something most universities must have in common.

Then again, the use of the word ‘hate’ is interesting, especially because university is completely optional and attendance implies the individual actually wanting to be there. ‘Hate’ gives the impression that university is to blame for whatever troubles are confounding the lives of all those students. It suggests that most people don’t feel like going to university is their choice – and autonomy is something that everyone needs in order to feel motivated. From this perspective, perhaps if I had taken a gap year and then chosen to return, I might feel better?

Now that I’ve babbled in a full circle, I’m going to go do some more about aboriginal disadvantage. The blog was to get me into analytical, sort-of-thinking mode. Rather meaningless dither, this was. It almost lives up to the word “blog”.